Fear.

When I was young, I used to be afraid of the darkness under my bed when I had to walk from the light switch by my bedroom door and my bed at night. The thought that something might be waiting under there to grab my leg seemed very real to me.  I got over it eventually.  I am pretty sure I am not going to deal with that fear again.  🙂

Before we ever went to Honduras as a family, Mr Darcy went by himself several times. I had some fears. I mean…hello? This is Central America. It’s scary. And my man doesn’t exactly blend in well at 6 foot 8. When he arrived home safely each time, I was able to relax a bit more. I took some scary thoughts captive.

When we went to Honduras as a family the first time, I had some fears that someone was going to kidnap my children. I really shouldn’t have watched that Denzel movie about kidnapping children in Central America the month before our trip. I got over those fears when my big, strong man was unable to be our tour guide as we walked the very crowded streets of Comayagua during Semana Santa due to an injury. I prayed hard that day, I’ll tell you.

The second time we went to Honduras, I was so glad to have had the experience of walking without my tall guy because I would up in another hotel from him for hours at a time – and I was alone with 12 children! We were hosting a retreat for missionaries and I was doing a Bible camp for the children while the parents were having worship and teaching. I felt strong. I felt brave. I was actually thankful for the experiences from the first trip.

Fear is creeping up inside me right now. There is fighting going on right across the border from me. Lots of fighting. Shootings all the time. They don’t care who they hit. It’s worse than the news reports tell. There is corruption. There is hatred. There is greed.  It’s not a peaceful place right now. Mr Darcy is going to travel several hours into the country. By car. And stay for a day and a half.

I keep reminding myself that someone who is not me is in control. I don’t have to fear what might happen. I have to trust. So really, the lesson for me is not about fear. It’s about who I trust and how much I really do trust. I have already figured out that putting my trust in myself is pretty dumb. I’m not that powerful. I’m going to be honest with you here. I’ve got some work to do.  I have learned that I can trust when the impossible is set before me. I can trust when people tell me it can’t happen. I can trust when it looks like trusting isn’t working.

I am going to choose trust. Because the outcome will always be good for me. It might not seem good, but it will always be good for me.

~Janna

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Jenn
    Apr 12, 2010 @ 09:05:02

    From one who fights fears as well, I am praying for you, Dear Friend. He is faithful and can be trusted completely…you are right. I love you dearly.

    Reply

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