So much

It’s been a long time since I posted anything. Yes, I’ve been busy…but really I felt like I didn’t have anything to say.  It’s been an interesting time down here. Waiting to find out if we are staying in this house. It’s been hard for me, sometimes.

I was at the kitchen sink the other day, where I have some of my best “aha” moments with God, and He asked me, “why don’t you trust me?”  I thought about that for a while. It was true. My mouth was saying that He had my life in His hands, but my heart didn’t believe He was handling it so well. Sure, I trusted Him to find us a place to live and that He had good plans for us and all that Jeremiah 29 :11 business, but I didn’t really trust that if I wasn’t part of God’s sounding board, doing “my thing”, “helping” that He’d really follow through. What was I thinking?  When push came to shove, I thought that if I turned my back on the situation at hand, God wouldn’t step up to the plate? Like He needed my prodding to take care of my precious family?  I laughed out loud with my hands in the sudsy water, and then cried. It was true. I didn’t trust Him. I repented. Now I joyfully await what He has in store for us. It’s going to be good. It’s going to be a miracle. It’s going to be exactly what we need.

So, life has been on hold in a way. Even so, we took a little vacation of sorts to San Antonio. We had a great time. We walked the Riverwalk, rode the boat, ate at a Man vs Food restaurant with a 3 pound cinnamon roll. It was like an epic quest to get there. We enjoyed a day at Fiesta Texas amusement park, swam in the hotel pool, visited the USS Lexington and the Aquarium in Corpus and laughed and laughed and talked. It was good. Real good. It was just what we needed.

This week, I have been organizing VBS, ordering our curriculum, 2 gallons of coconut oil and thinking about baking. I need to have a big batch baking day and I just haven’t worked up the gumption to do it. Maybe Friday…

Monday morning at 5:15 brought the start of a new phase for this family. Our oldest left on his first youth camp adventure. He is having a great time. I only know this because of reports from friends and family who are also in attendance. He is too busy to let his Mommy know how he is doing. I know he will come back a changed young man and I am so proud of him. He returns Friday night and I am going to compose myself and not run wildly to the van saying, “come to Mommy!” I’m going to try real hard not to do that – maybe.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what encourages growth. Internally and externally. If I neglect my garden, the plants will starve, shrivel and die. If I feed those plants what they need, they will flourish and produce. Not only will they produce fruit, but they produce the very thing needed to reproduce. I am thinking a lot about Life Groups in the fall. What seeds can I plant? What seeds can I encourage to grow? How can I be part of the beauty that will grow and reproduce and become life-giving?  So many think they don’t have what it takes to lead others and it’s just not true. It’s a lie that keeps us from relating to one another and investing in someone else’s life because we think we don’t have enough knowledge or talent or a cute house or whatever plays in our minds. Re-read the first three words of that last sentence: IT’S A LIE…. You have what it takes. You are needed. You are vital to this harvest. Plant, water, tend and let’s enjoy the harvest together…..

~Janna

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