Tears and Laughter

It’s been a rough week.

Several years ago, we went to Myrtle Beach on vacation with Mr Wonderful’s entire family. It was a blast. His younger sister and her family live right outside of Raleigh, NC, so the rest of us made our way to their side of the country. During that trip, my Mother in Love didn’t feel well. In fact, she hadn’t been feeling well for some time. Pain and discomfort in her abdomen. While on vacation, it was evident that her pain was quite bad.  She was unable to walk out to the ocean from the hotel without lots of pain.  She loves the ocean. It’s a part of her makeup. Within 2 weeks of returning home to TX, she had an appointment at the doctor.

Cancer.

This precious woman had to go through surgery, chemo and months of yuck. At the end of it, she and my Father in Love celebrated the end of chemo with a cruise to the Caribbean. We were hopeful it would be the last time we’d ever need to discuss chemo.

We were wrong.

It came back…The doctors were not as hopeful this time. She would not be able to take the same medicines as before.  This new chemo made her lose her hair. We still trusted God, who loves us more than we can imagine. Treatment was prolonged due to hospital stays, surgery and sickness.  The doctor delayed treatment for a month during the chemo so we could all take a vacation together as was her desire. We had a great time. I love our family.

Throughout this entire time…years…my Mother in love has not wavered in her faith – in her resolve to trust her Heavenly Father.  I have learned so much from her.  Finally, the decision was made to stop treatment. Tumors were growing in spite of the various medicines. We respected our parents decision and supported them wholeheartedly. We continued to pray and believe for a miracle.

Last week, something changed. It has been quick. A rapid change in that disgusting growth named tumor. She has been in so much pain. So sick. Yet still teaching me and listening  and trusting in God.  Medicines have been changed to help with her pain.I haven’t been able to talk to her in several days.

We have cried a lot at our house this past year, but not as much as this last week. Even as I type this, I hesitate so I can respect their privacy.  Their personal journey. It’s precious-what they have together. A lifetime of leaning on each other and loving one another and taking this amazing life journey as a couple. I am the only daughter in law and I know how good I have it to have these two as my own.

I hate living so far away. I hate that I can’t be there to hold her hand or watch her hold her mouth the way she does or watch her embrace my boys in a way that shouts to their cores that they are the most amazing creatures on earth. I hate that I can’t be there to watch her breathe.

Please don’t tell me to have more faith. I have more faith than you could imagine. I truly believe that if it is God’s will she will be the story people talk about for years to come. That unbelievable miracle story. The kind they write books about.  I know Who I serve. Who I belong to. Who I trust. Who I will go home to someday. I have faith. Plenty of it. I also believe in Sovereignty.

With this on our hearts, it’s been good these past two weeks to have laughter around our house. As arrows are coming at us faster than we can count, we have had joy. Our upstairs air conditioning went out. It’s currently 87 degrees upstairs. All of our bedrooms are upstairs. Last night, the boys mattress surfed down the stairs while bringing their beds to the coolness of our family and dining rooms. We had no one to call to fix the a/c because we currently have no idea who owns our house. It’s in limbo. We are in limbo.  (Just keepin’ it real, folks…:-)) What fun!  Mr Wonderful developed hives in the early evening yesterday – we believe due to new medication he is on. Giggles all around as we talked about Mr Itchy. We are trying our hardest to concentrate on good. Focus on the blessings.

Today, the boys and I took our van to WalMart to have the oil changed and tires rotated in preparation for a journey. My heart was heavy as we walked into the auto side of the store, but we were going to look at Legos and Nerf so the boys were okay. After 15 minutes, they called my name. Something’s wrong. This was supposed to take and hour and half. I go back to the counter where the guy tells me that as he was taking the tires off to rotate them, he found a 1 inch gash in the tire. Deep. I dreaded the next bit of news. I was quickly calculating the cost of two new tires (my Dad and Mr Darcy have always drilled in the “must buy 2 at once to have them wear evenly” rule). It wasn’t pretty. My shoulders were beginning to droop due to the burden I was feeling. I stopped and quickly texted some friends to pray.  Within 15 minutes, I found out that because the tire was still in pretty good shape AND we had purchased a warranty including road hazard, it would only be…

10 DOLLARS PER TIRE!!!  I was laughing. Thankful, I agreed to this very fair price. As I walked around the toy department, I started thinking about that gash. I started thinking about the 9+hours of driving that’s in my future (possibly without my man) and the (gasp) 75-80 miles per hour I would be driving. With a gash in my tire. In 100 degree weather. I stopped in the middle of the aisle when I realized what I had most likely been protected from. So thankful.

Tonight, I will read Isaiah 41:10 as I have been all day. I will reflect on His goodness. On His omnipotence. On His mercy. I might cry a little.

But joy comes with the morning.

~Janna

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lauren
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 22:27:58

    Praying for you all, sweet friend.

    Reply

  2. Karen Anzak
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 22:39:22

    My Dearest Janna,

    You have been such an awesome blessing to me that my heart cries for/with you. I am so inspired by your honesty and vulnerability in sharing this heavy journey with us. No “more faith” needed. His grace is sufficient. I know you know that you are not traveling this road alone. Our love and prayers are with you and your whole family.

    Karem.

    Reply

    • Janna
      Aug 06, 2010 @ 09:34:15

      Thank you, my sweet friend. I realized the next day that this post was a little “raw” but it’s where we are at – and so, there it is. Thank you for the prayers and the lovin’.

      Love,
      j

      Reply

  3. Janna
    Aug 05, 2010 @ 13:01:41

    thank you, sweet Lauren.

    Reply

  4. Jenny Stoddard
    Aug 05, 2010 @ 13:47:29

    Thinking about you & your family Janna! much love!

    Reply

    • Janna
      Aug 06, 2010 @ 09:32:58

      Thank you, Jenny!!!
      Love you and love seeing the great things that are happening for you all via FB!

      Love,
      J

      Reply

  5. Pamela Guinn
    Aug 05, 2010 @ 16:23:44

    Janna,

    I am so sorry and wish I could DO something but know that I am praying and love all of you more than words can say. I am still asking for a miracle and will not give up.

    Reply

  6. Christina
    Aug 06, 2010 @ 14:41:01

    I had a hard time reading this because of my tears. My heart hurts for you. Just knowing her through you – she has been an example to me.

    Reply

    • Janna
      Aug 08, 2010 @ 08:30:42

      I am so glad you wrote this, Syble! I printed up your comment so I can send it to Kerrie and Kellie. We love you all and are praying for Brooks.

      Love,
      Janna

      Reply

  7. Syble C Hanson
    Aug 07, 2010 @ 00:47:24

    Dear Janna, You really have a way with words. I love your writings! You should write a book. I could feel you love for my Aunt Nancy. She is the most loving and amazing person I have ever know. She took me under her wing when I was 14 years old and she worked at the Southern Baptist Convention Office in down town Atlanta, GA. She and Uncle Tommy were dating and engaged to be married. After she left work on Friday afternoon she would drive to our house to get me to go spend the week end with her. We lived in a town about 10 miles from down town Atlanta then. She lived in this really fancy girls boarding house on Ponce de Leon Ave. (there is and was a krispy creme donut shopdown the street,the very first one) I spent several weekends with her while she lived in Atlanta and loved every minute of it. Mine and Tommy’s grandmother really enjoyed making a pretty table for meals when company came so I had learned to appreciate that kind of thing but at that boarding house the tables were fixed prettier than anything I had ever seen at age 14. They used sliver coffee and tea services and silver flatware, every person had their own little salt and pepper shakers. At the time I didn’t even know they made individual salt and pepper shakers! Each table had white linen table cloths and line green linen napkins and beautiful center pieces with lavender in the arrangements to make them smell good. What a treat for me to have been apart of that with her. I will never forget it. She was so good to me. We would go to movies or just hang out at the boarding house and that was fine with me. We would sit in the parlor and talk or read a book or look at the latest ladies magazine. It was a real treat just to be with her. She was so interesting to be with and fun. We had so much fun together. She is 8 years older than me and I love her beyond words to express it. She was an inspiration to a teenage girl that needed it badly at that time. She has always been my confidant. She understood me and my home life at the time. Tommy can tell you a little about me, He was only a twinkle when I was getting to know his future Mom! Everything you said about them as a couple is true. They are the perfect couple if there could be a perfect couple it would be them. I wish I could see you more often and get to know you better. My daughter, Shirley, said today she wished the two of you could live closer because she knew you would be good cousins together because she liked a lot of the same things you do. I was hoping to get to come to Texas but I can’t. My husband is really sick and taking chemo himself. He is too sick for me to leave him. Shirley has talked about flying out there and maybe Mother but I’m not sure Mother is able to make the trip. She is not strong. She is 82 now. She is a diabetic and her blood sugar can be a roller coaster. I just don’t know exactly what we will work out when the time comes. I pray for her miracle and it could happen. I have been praying for her all along but I have prayed all day to day for a miracle. I told God I was so selfish. I wanted to keep her here but I know we have to accept his will for her. I love all of you and I enjoy your writings. Love Syble

    Reply

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