Recently, I had a moment. Yes, a moment. I realized that I had been wearing my hair in a ponytail every single day. When had it started? I didn’t even know. I don’t really even like the way I look in a ponytail and my hair is seriously heavy, so what was I doing with all that long hair?
It was Saturday afternoon and I walked upstairs, inspired. I took my shower and promptly took the scissors out of the nightstand drawer and started whacking away at my thick, curly, misbehaving tresses. When it was all said and done, I took about 5 inches off. I applied some product, diffused the newly-cropped hair and checked myself out in the mirror. Not bad.(I actually said that out loud.) I already felt lighter. Not just my head, but my whole self. My mind felt like I had released it from burdens that it just couldn’t carry anymore. All with a few chop- chops of those scissors. Magical. After getting some makeup on and getting ready for church, I floated downstairs to where my beloved was watching basketball on tv.
Ask me now if Mr. Darcy noticed that I had just relieved myself of 5 inches of hair on my head. He did not. He did look at me a little strangely, but that was it. Now, as soon as I got to church, a friend noticed immediately.
Why do we notice some things and just absorb the other things as “status quo?” What takes us so long to notice subtle changes and maybe even the not-so subtle things that we come face to face with?
Why did a haircut make me feel like things were going to be okay in my life?
I have been having some “health challenges” for many months and have an appointment to see a doctor this week. I have looked up every weird symptom I have and I either have something I picked up in Africa (which would be really crazy because I have not yet been to Africa!) or some other dreaded, horrible thing. The internet can be a scary place. I’ve since stopped trying to diagnose myself on the internet and I am waiting until I see the doctor to figure this out.
In the meantime, I have been working on some core issues. They have become burdens that I was never meant to carry. Burdens that start with “what if?” and things I don’t need to think about. Fear. I have been in combat with fear and I haven’t been equipping myself the right way.
You know, faith is a growing process. You can’t just say that you have faith and that’s it. It’s constantly changing-emerging – hopefully it’s growing so it will permeate more and more of you. Fear destroys. It pulls up all the beautiful faith that you have planted and throws it away and mucks up the beautiful soil you prepared in hopes of a sweet-tasting harvest. You can’t have a sweet-tasting harvest when you are tending and fertilizing fear. I am making a choice to weed out the fear and let faith flourish.
Just like the scissors I wielded on my hair, I am boldly cutting away the fear that weighs me down by applying The Truth. The book of Hebrews says this: For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. (Hebrews 4:12) Everyone knows a two-edged sword is sharper than a pair of scissors, right? Right!
It feels good. The truth is liberating.
I don’t know what I will hear at the appointment but I know it will be okay. In fact, it will be better than okay. It will be an opportunity to praise the Lord, no matter what I find out. He gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21) It will be a chance to get down on my hands and knees and work in my faith.
I can apply this scissor/sword combat to everything… EVERYTHING in my life. Not just weird medical symptoms. How about my children? My husband? My friendships (or lack of them in a new town?) YES!!
He is with me always…even to the ends of the earth. (Matthew 28:20) (Or when my boys go away on a van with a STRANGER driving, or when my Mr. Darcy goes on a trip to the other end of the world, or even when I wish for a friend to sit with over a cup of coffee). He is with me always.
Them’s fightin’ words.