This that and the other

I woke up missing. Missing my parents, Tommy’s parents, our sisters. I went from people to places. I was missing our old church, (including our sweet friends), my Kroger and even Highway 114. I don’t know what came over me. Was it the thought that we are about to close on the old house; was it the stress that the closing and roof repairs are causing us? I didn’t know.  I went downstairs and began to get ready for my meeting and turned on some Keith Urban on the Ipod. He knew just how I felt. I just wanted to cry. Unless you have gone through something similar to this journey that began in March, 2008 you might not understand. It seems as if I might be caught between knowing that this is His will, and therefore the best thing for me, and our old life. The familiarity of our old life was as tempting to me as the Hot Now sign at Krispy Kreme. Yet the thing is, I would never want that for Tommy. He no longer feels displaced. He is walking on the very path he was always destined to walk upon.  I wonder how long I’ll feel this way. Will I always have a draw to where our family lives and we do not? I don’t miss any of the other places I used to live. I have fond memories, but that’s it. It has to be the gravitational pull of our family that is tugging at my limbs and heart and mind. I am feeling every fissure from this stretching in my soul, I think.

In other news, I hated the salmon I made tonight.

~Janna

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Christina
    Nov 13, 2009 @ 11:10:04

    You know what I was missing last night – Karen Borta, Christine Kahanek, and all the other people on CBS 11 – news. Isn’t that silly?

    Reply

  2. Janna
    Nov 13, 2009 @ 11:11:59

    Not at all. I love Kahanek! I watched her through all of her pregnancies…

    Reply

  3. Amy
    Nov 13, 2009 @ 20:54:40

    Well, you KNOW I went to high school with Kris Kahanek. : ) My only *brush with fame.* lol. And I always say, and it is true, that she was truly one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. She was always kind to everyone. And she had Big Hair like the rest of us.

    Sorry you are having a hard time, friend. Give that heartache to God and the God of all comfort will give you peace.

    Reply

  4. Janna
    Nov 13, 2009 @ 21:28:18

    Amy – I remember. In fact, I looked through your reunion pics someone posted (by the way, you and Greg looked GREAT) just to see if KK was there! Does that make me a stalker?

    I really think once we get this house thing behind us, I’m going to see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. That was the Eeyore of blog posts.
    ~J

    Reply

  5. Mary Allen
    Nov 16, 2009 @ 00:25:24

    Janna, I can’t imagine what it’s like to be away from those dearest to your heart but I admire you & Tommy’s complete trust in God! God will supply all your needs, even the need to be with those you miss the most. We love your family so much!

    Reply

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